Recommitting

Lamentations 3:22-23
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

I have never, at least as far as I can remember, been faced with the reality of having to renew my commitment to something each day. My faith as it was taught to me was largely a set of facts to believe. I had no problem waking up each day and saying yes I still believe them. My commitment to my wife and children has never been difficult to recommit to each morning. My commitment to my work at the Police Dept is not difficult to recommit to each day. I have a queue of things to do at the office that is waiting to move to the front of my list of prioirities on Tuesday morning, Monday is New Year's day.
In fact I am committed so deeply and easily to these things that I actually don't even think about daily recommitting to them. In fact I guess maybe I don't. They are part of my identity. It is easy to stay committed to your identity.
Lately a situation has required my daily willful recommital and even a minute by minute recommital. Up until a couple months ago God had always blessed Lee Ann with jobs that allowed her to stay in pharmacy and be there for me and the kids. Recently because of people leaving her job and company restructuring she has had to start working until after dinner on the three days of the week she works and then be on call on a greater proportion of her off days. This has required me to be solely responsible for the kids from after work until just before bed time, picking up the kids from daycare, fixing dinner, washing dishes, picking up the house, all after a full days work. Now understand I usually am able to manipulate most situations to where I am in control, but when I can not I am given to deep bouts of self-pity. And lately I have been swimming in self-pity, drowning in it.
I want to roll with the punches when I am put in uncomfortable situations. That's what this is. I am out of control. I am having to sacrifice. I KNOW God is using this situation to shape me, improve me, but I have to recommit to this knowledge moment by moment. The part of me that hates the discomfort of this shaping and the lack of control tells me this is abandonment. It tries to convince me that the fault lies with Lee Ann. That she is the cause and then if I just apply more pressure and manipulation to her my discomfort can be alleviated, as Rachel puts it if I "yell at mom." I know I shouldn't do this and yet I have wrestle with the STRONG desire to do it anyway because it feels better than humbling myself, bowing my desires to the needs of her work place and accepting the sacrifice that is required of me.
I pray each night over my son that God would help me be the kind of person that would be a good example to my son, but when it comes to being that example the desire isn't always as strong.

This is what recommitting looks like.
Ephesians 4:22-32 (New Living Translation)
throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy. So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil... Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

I guess in the end I'm just glad that this is true.
Lamentations 3:22-23 (New Living Translation)
The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.