Determinism
I have a struggle going on inside me. I feel like I know too much for my own good. I just found out that the doctors found a malignant tumor in my dad's lung. My mom was sobbing when she told me. If God is in control of everything then I have nothing to worry about. It is his story and as the author of authoring I wouldn't dare question his plot choices, his character development. I fear this view of things though is making me less human because at least so far I am more interested than afraid. Is this great trust in God or a callous unwillingness to enter my mother's pain? The person who wrote the psalms had no problem telling God he wanted him to change a seemingly unjust situation. I have convinced myself that there are no unjust situations, so why should wonder that I lack compassion. I find in these kind of situations I can not solely pray for the healing or restoration of the person without feeling compelled to add in at the end that if what we do not want to happen should happen that he would help us accept that. It gives me peace to know that I hold the characters God has placed in my life with an open and grateful hand. It helps me, but it doesn't help me feel the pain of others. This deterministic view of things doesn't seem mirrored in the lives of the characters of the Bible. Moses argued with God. David questioned God. Hezekiah asked God to change his mind. But then Daniel trusted God in the midst of the Lions. Shadrach, Meshach, & Abednego trusted God in the face of the furnace. Stephen looked to heaven as he was being pelted to death with rocks.
Jesus won't even give me peace on the subject. Even though he willingly went to the cross he still asked God to "take this cup" from him if it was possible. Deterministic yet not.
A deterministic view seems noble. A non-deterministic view seems doubting and cowardly, but was Jesus cowardly?
I'd appreciate input on this one.
posted by Emerging Kurt @ Thursday, August 17, 2006
2 comments
2 Comments:
At work today I realized that an overly deterministic view, such as I have, does not encourage one to pray because everything that is happening is God's will. Unsurprisingly I haven't found the need to pray very much lately.
In addition when I got home from work I realized that I still had my microphone transmitter from my police cruiser on my belt, an item the next officer to use the cruiser will need in about 2 hrs. from now. Needless to say my frustration exploded from my mouth when I realized this oversight in my bedroom. My overly deterministic view didn't see that as part of God's glorious plan, although now after the fact I do because it is helping me to have insight into my stupidity. So I can see BIG terrible things as serving God, but not small things. Thats wrong. I'm not ready to give up on determinism, but I have definetly taken it to a silly extreme. It seems more like determinism is only helpful or visible from certain more distant points of view. And that like any analogy it can only be taken so far and applied in certain circumstances...
We all have struggles with prayerlessness and other issues. That is when you learn the deeper things that God wants to teach you. The malignant tumor that your Dad has was NOT God's choice. God never created anything evil. All of the evil and unjust things in the world are the result of man's choices from Genesis to now. My mother had both legs amputated and then had a stroke and lived for several years in that condition. How could I pray. I couldn't tell God to heal her (you can't grow new legs) nor could I tell God now is the time for her to die. who am I to tell God such things. That is when Romans 8:26 became so meaningful to me. I too pray and hope your Dad will be around a long time. God knows your heart and understands your struggles. Keep leaning hard on God.
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