How can I be good?
I am a shallow person. I justify my own actions to make me feel better about the evils I have committed.
I committed such an evil the other day. At a certain incident I elected not to take enforcement action against a legitimate perpetrator because the victim was being a jerk. I wanted to punish this victim(seems like I've talked about that before). I wanted the victim who was being jerky to know who the boss was, namely me. This of course made the perpetrator, who was handicapped, very grateful and loyal. I was plagued all weekend about having usurped justice.
KJV (Kurt's Jazzy Version)
Matthew 5:46 If you show justice only to those who respect you, what good is that? Everybody does that! 47 And if you protect only those who seem good, what good is that? Everbody comes from the factory with that built in. 44 I'm asking more of you. You must show justice to those who disrespect you and protect even those who seem bad. 48 You must be more than just made in God's image. You must act like God acts, giving justice and protection to the good and the evil. He is the God of 77 second chances and so must you be.
So I come back into work Monday ready to go and apologize to the vicitm and cite the perpetrator. The vicitm called and complained to my sergeant. I did cite the perpetrator, who's gratefulness and loyalty immediately fizzled and disappeared, turning into self-pity and dismissiveness. I was still going to apologize, but this itch in the back of mind kept reminding me that no other officer would go apologize like this and not cause I'm better than them. I'm not. I think because they know things I don't know yet. As I was working out over my lunch my supervisor came in and said the victim had called complaining again. I told him that I had cited the perp and he said that I shouldn't go talk to the vicitm, not to give them the pleasure, not to reward the squeaky wheel. I think he is right. I'm so concerned with making sure people know I have done the right thing, and not concerned enough with just doing the right thing and going unrecognized. I want to be a hero. I want too badly to be recognized. My sin.
posted by Emerging Kurt @ Monday, May 15, 2006
1 comments
1 Comments:
Interesting wording "the desire to punish", it's all very confusing and there are certain types of people that we'd never pull this crap with. If someone is in a position to help me then I wouldn't, if I'm in a position to help someone else and they either don't appreciate my "help" or don't want it then I'm ready to put the capital "P" in punish, baby! I know there's more to it than that, but along with your theory that God has used everyone/everything in your life so far to make you into the person you are. Maybe we should decide to quit punishing those that God has sent to shape us.
I'm always getting caught up in looking through old stuff too, but are you saying that you are truely happy with who you are now or that you've made a decision to not feel regret? I always feel like God keeps track of how often I'm tempted to sin and don't (or do). Cause certainly others aren't tempted to sin as often as I am, and that's the only way God could be fair to me.
I think that it's very honoring to your family that you "exorcised" the Pinto. Time with family=cool dad - Time with Pinto=blowing your mid-life crisis on the single least appreciated car ever to roll out of Detriot.
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