The introduction to my upcoming book

No one is supposed to read introductions. You know that? Well if you're still going to keep reading...
I used to think that one day I would accomplish some great feat that would make everyone realize how important, significant, and smart I was. As I sat at ministry conferences, I secretly thought that one day I would be important like the speakers. I just had to figure out my secret really smart subject that I would write on. Fortunately I was saved from that self-indulgent, arrogant way of thinking by finding my secret really smart subject. So if you would be so kind as to read this book, reminding yourself how good it is all along the way, that would be great. And if you could tell your friends how life changing it is and how much they need to read it that would help too. In fact, if we can get some marketing momentum going, the proceeds from the sales of the "Kurt's book" coffee mugs, pencil erasers, action figures and so on could help pay off my second house in Martha's vineyard.
Thank you for your support and may God bless you with a secret to share that will "rapture" you out of your insignificance.

In the grip of the humble carpenter,
High Reverend & Bishop Kurt McClannan