The rubber is hitting the road

I have come to a new level of testing of my humility or lack there of. I had my integrity and automotive knowledge questioned at work this week. This was hard, in the past as boss I questioned others but because leaders are usually respected and aren't open to being questioned, I wasn't often questioned. Having my integrity and knowledge questioned has always been my breaking point in the past. I can remember times that this has happened and it has often caused rage and many tears in me. I think part of my journey toward humility is accepting others questioning my integrity, my motives, my knowledge, all of it, without becoming personally offended. Part of humility is understanding the point of view of others, even understanding that I don't understand the point of view of others. I think in order to give people the benefit of the doubt I must be understanding. I think humility demands giving the benefit of the doubt to people generously and frequently and to the same people over and over.

I'm reading through Luke's gospel in the Bible and this morning, in my reading, Jesus had been healing lots of people and this one particular morning he was teaching the people. They were gathering so thick that they were pressing in close against him on the shore of this lake. He spotted some fisherman washing their nets in the morning sun. These guys were hardened fisherman and on this particular morning they were discouraged. They had been out all night long fishing and hadn't caught a thing. They knew all the best fishing holes and when to hit them. They had been fishing since they were boys and their dad before them too. And yet with all their experience and knowledge of this particular lake on this morning they had nothing to show for it. All that work through the lonely cold night and nothing. So now they are cleaning their nets, which must have added insult to injury to have to clean nets that couldn't even catch fish, but there they are probably on a big rock cleaning their nets, which was likely a time consuming task. So Jesus asked one fisherman named Simon to take him out just a little ways in the boat. Simon had heard the stories about what this wise guy had done and was probably wondering if we was the real thing or not. Just a magician or a true prophet of God or something even more? So after Simon takes Jesus just far enough out in the water that the people can't get to him, Jesus finishes speaking. It must have been an interesting day, the frustration of the previous night followed by the energy of a morning spent chauffering a local celebrity around in your boat. When Jesus was finished teaching he told Simon to throw his nets in the water for a catch. This must have seemed like a ridiculous request. No matter how smart this teacher was what did he know about fishing? Simon new for a fact that the fish weren't biting and he had just finished cleaning the nets, who wants to clean those things again? So Simon says to Jesus, "Master we worked HARD all night long and caught nothing. But on your word I am to cast the nets?" Simon wasn't sure this Jesus guy knew what he was talking about. Did he realize what trouble he was asking Simon to go to? Did he realize that he didn't know squat about fishing? All Simon could see was that this was going to cost him. He could only see the short term and his faith was very small. He couldn't see that Jesus seemingly ridiculous request could actually benefit him. That is where I find myself daily as I see my hard work and efforts go unrecognized and my character questioned. Jesus is asking me to just keep going. Throw the nets in one more time and see what happens. Not in order to get something, but to show him that I believe even if only a little that he knows what is best for me. So that I can see that swallowing my pride and dying to myself make me a better person. What's best for me often looks like a big pain in the neck or a punch in the nose, but it is what I need.

Lord strengthen me when my faith gets too weak and my pride gets too strong. Help me not to seek power but to seek the opportunity to serve. And help me to be happy if no one but you recognizes it.

Oh by the way saw the 40 year old virgin. I personally felt that it crossed every boundary I had about what I was willing to discuss within a film sexually. It did have some interesting characters, but the story was not compelling enought to overcome the pornographic feel of the movie. I won't be buying this one on DVD.

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