How the heck can I know what God wants me to do?

On our journey toward whatever it is God is going to have us do here we have been fortunate enough to find some signs along the way to reassure us we are moving in the right direction. These signs have always come much later than I would have liked to see them. It would be nice if God would show me what he wants me to do and then I could go do it, but He doesn't seem to work that way. He always makes me make decisions and then about 5 miles down the road when I am feeling sufficiently confused about where I am and what I am doing he sends me a subtle sign that seems to say "Yep, you are doing great, keep going." I was starting to get depressed about job situations here a week or two ago. So he sends me another sign this week. I got a call from a local law enforcement agency asking for an interview. The next day I let my boss at Napa know that he may be getting a call as a work reference. Later that day I gave him a ride to the shop where his truck was getting worked on and he asked why I was going back into law enforcement and subtly hinted that there could be higher up positions available as soon as they purchase other businesses. I thanked him as I let him off and realized I was at another juncture. Which future did God want me to choose? Does he care? Does it matter?
I feel compelled to try this bi-vocational ministry idea (Bi-vocational ministry = working a fulltime job to support my family thus freeing the church from that burden). That being the case I see both of these job opportunities as being capable of helping me toward that goal. But what happens when I have to choose between the two?

The rubber is hitting the road

I have come to a new level of testing of my humility or lack there of. I had my integrity and automotive knowledge questioned at work this week. This was hard, in the past as boss I questioned others but because leaders are usually respected and aren't open to being questioned, I wasn't often questioned. Having my integrity and knowledge questioned has always been my breaking point in the past. I can remember times that this has happened and it has often caused rage and many tears in me. I think part of my journey toward humility is accepting others questioning my integrity, my motives, my knowledge, all of it, without becoming personally offended. Part of humility is understanding the point of view of others, even understanding that I don't understand the point of view of others. I think in order to give people the benefit of the doubt I must be understanding. I think humility demands giving the benefit of the doubt to people generously and frequently and to the same people over and over.

I'm reading through Luke's gospel in the Bible and this morning, in my reading, Jesus had been healing lots of people and this one particular morning he was teaching the people. They were gathering so thick that they were pressing in close against him on the shore of this lake. He spotted some fisherman washing their nets in the morning sun. These guys were hardened fisherman and on this particular morning they were discouraged. They had been out all night long fishing and hadn't caught a thing. They knew all the best fishing holes and when to hit them. They had been fishing since they were boys and their dad before them too. And yet with all their experience and knowledge of this particular lake on this morning they had nothing to show for it. All that work through the lonely cold night and nothing. So now they are cleaning their nets, which must have added insult to injury to have to clean nets that couldn't even catch fish, but there they are probably on a big rock cleaning their nets, which was likely a time consuming task. So Jesus asked one fisherman named Simon to take him out just a little ways in the boat. Simon had heard the stories about what this wise guy had done and was probably wondering if we was the real thing or not. Just a magician or a true prophet of God or something even more? So after Simon takes Jesus just far enough out in the water that the people can't get to him, Jesus finishes speaking. It must have been an interesting day, the frustration of the previous night followed by the energy of a morning spent chauffering a local celebrity around in your boat. When Jesus was finished teaching he told Simon to throw his nets in the water for a catch. This must have seemed like a ridiculous request. No matter how smart this teacher was what did he know about fishing? Simon new for a fact that the fish weren't biting and he had just finished cleaning the nets, who wants to clean those things again? So Simon says to Jesus, "Master we worked HARD all night long and caught nothing. But on your word I am to cast the nets?" Simon wasn't sure this Jesus guy knew what he was talking about. Did he realize what trouble he was asking Simon to go to? Did he realize that he didn't know squat about fishing? All Simon could see was that this was going to cost him. He could only see the short term and his faith was very small. He couldn't see that Jesus seemingly ridiculous request could actually benefit him. That is where I find myself daily as I see my hard work and efforts go unrecognized and my character questioned. Jesus is asking me to just keep going. Throw the nets in one more time and see what happens. Not in order to get something, but to show him that I believe even if only a little that he knows what is best for me. So that I can see that swallowing my pride and dying to myself make me a better person. What's best for me often looks like a big pain in the neck or a punch in the nose, but it is what I need.

Lord strengthen me when my faith gets too weak and my pride gets too strong. Help me not to seek power but to seek the opportunity to serve. And help me to be happy if no one but you recognizes it.

Oh by the way saw the 40 year old virgin. I personally felt that it crossed every boundary I had about what I was willing to discuss within a film sexually. It did have some interesting characters, but the story was not compelling enought to overcome the pornographic feel of the movie. I won't be buying this one on DVD.

Also I'd love to hear from you, even if just a short reply, if you read this blog. If you feel so compelled comment on this post below.

Do we need another church?

An email from my Grand-Uncle(pictured here) who lives in Germany and my response...

Dear Kurt,
Bertl's calendar reminds us of your anniversary and I take this as an excuse to find out about you. But, oh no: first our heartiest congratulations for having reached this advanced age (one should not take it for granted) and then our best wishes for the next year to come, Obiwan Kenobi, Yoda, bread crumbs and all. Where have they led you to ? Julie's cryptic remarks about founding a new church had left us puzzled. You know, over here, it's very easy: You are either Catholic or Lutheran or maybe Reformed (in special areas on the coast). But then, in the aftermath of a lecture at our Old Boys Discussion Club at the church I got my hands on a book with 388 pages (index included) about all the denominations in the US and this handbook has opened my mind indeed.
Take care Herbert

Herbert & Bertl
Sorry about taking a while to reply. I think the differences between our countries in regard to church diversity go back to the founding of the United States. I read in history books that our country was settled by people seeking religious freedom from countries where the church was governmentally controlled. The last church denomination I worked for was founded by Swiss and Norweigian people who were frustrated by the governments control of the church. They saw people who did not believe in God promoted to the positions of priests and giving communion to other people who were not believers. They were forced to financially support the church by the government even though they saw gross mishandling of the church. These people moved to the US to establish a church free of goverment control. Now multiply that story by a couple hundred. With this new freedom from government control, many of these US churches spawned, or planted, other churches who believed things slightly differently. Even the smallest theological differences caused the generation of a new church. This produced the ridiculous number of denominations within the United States. One of the problems that lead to this fracturing was that individual churches decided that they would make their particular pet issues dogma or required beliefs to be a part of that church. Some of these pet issues were how the free will of man and the sovereignty(ultimate control) of God work together, How, when and where Jesus will return when he comes again, How God created the earth, How the Holy Spirit works or what it is that he does. Surely a church should have some central beliefs that define itself, but in my opinion the opinions of men were made dogma and thus caused the need for a person who disagrees with a particular point to leave and potentially start a new church. That after all was the genesis of the Lutheran church.
My desire to start a new church in light of what I've said seems a bit hypocritical, but my desire is to try to start a movement within the Church (all believers everywhere) to move towards the center of our belief (what has been agreed upon for centuries) and away from the periphery of our opinions. That isn't to say that opinions would not be present at this church I would like to create, rather that my opinions would not be taught as though they were unquestionable truth. I would also like the church to take on a position of helping people to think and determine what they believe for themselves rather than telling people what to believe.
I don't believe this will right all the wrongs of the past or be the final word on church. I just hope to move the eternal conversation on "what is church" ahead a baby step. The next generation will get to fix the short-sightedness and dangerous extremes of these thoughts, as always happens.
I bet the way in which people percieve their faith and understand the church would be different between our two countries as well. I would imagine the American view would be much more individualistic and less sunday church service focused and the German, I assume, would be more corporately focused and sunday service focused. Would you agree with that characterization of the German church? What is it like?

How did your visit with mom and dad go?
Kurt